I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
