This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize