I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
