They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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