goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
