I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
