If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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