OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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