Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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