I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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