dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
