apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
