i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
