i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
