I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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