fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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