At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
