she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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