I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
