upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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