I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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