So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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