i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
