D3 body, D1 cock
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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