We need to rekindle our bromance
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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