i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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