he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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