Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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