he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
