you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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