You work out of a Hotel?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
