Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
