my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
