Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize