you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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