Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
