your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
