Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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