I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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