do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
