I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
