He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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