I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
