FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
