Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
