Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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