I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
