my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
