Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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