I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
