Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
