Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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