Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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