I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
People in love make me want to vomit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
