she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
