bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
