and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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