escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
