1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
