woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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