I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
