a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
