Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
