At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
