He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Where is the hickey?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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