we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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