ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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