my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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