Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
