No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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